Me, you and everyone else
by T.J. Wise
Summary: Damon reflects back on his life and how he always gets the raw end of the deal. It's a rant of sorts as the older Salvatore looks at the splinters and blessings that found his heart over the years. I like to think that Damon is talking to Alaric's ghost and therefore he is not alone in his torment. Rated K for the use of swear words and allusion to inappropriate behavior.Enjoy!
1. There were two, then three, then four

**Me, you and everyone else.**

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**Chapter 1: There were two, then three, then four**

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In the beginning there was only me. The blue eyed raven haired babe that made momma smile and Giuseppe Salvatore proud to show me around. I basked in the glow of the love and attention that my parents cast on me. From family to servants to the young beauties, everyone coddled me. They kissed my cheeks tenderly, ruffled my hair playfully and made me feel noticed and appreciated. I would get treats, stolen cookies and whatnots, as well as special rides on horses, carriages and carts. Following mommas' skirt or Giuseppe's heels, I would prance around like a little joyful prince, adored and cherished in the realm.

All was peaceful, all was right. As I grew up, my mother was always by my side. She would play and teach, teach and play, and in both there was joy, laughter and companionship until I was six. Then he came, the baby I could not see but that momma told me lived in her belly. She said he was sweet and that I was going to love him very very much, but he made momma sick and I didn't like he at all. Since momma told me about him she was always tired and didn't want to play with me as often as she once did. If I asked her to teach me she would brush me away and promise to do it another day. Giuseppe also changed. He would hover around mother looking worried and upset. If I came to talk to her, Giuseppe would shout at me and push me out of the way. The servants were now too busy looking after momma to look after me and the few ladies and family that we saw looked at me with only pity and sadness in their eyes. There was no laugher anymore, not from momma, not from anyone and the least from me.

The bigger momma's belly grew, the more often the doctor was called in the middle of the night, the angrier Giuseppe got and the less of momma I saw. I was a destitute prince, I was the twin pauper that had lived the illusion of mattering and that now lived in the shadows of unimportance. Momma was always tired or sleeping and she wouldn't eat. She was pale as a ghost and her hands were too busy wrapping protectively around her belly and him to caress my cheek or rustle my hair.

One night momma cried. She cried so loud... A keening sound without beginning or end that echoed against my hollowed soul. The servants rushed about, the doctor was called urgently, Giuseppe paced the floor like a bull about to enter the arena. I placed my little hands over my ears and made myself small in a corner in the pantry as momma cried and cried and cried. Then she stopped and the silence was louder than her cries. I tried to hear further into the silence when a new wail invaded all the corners of the house. I knew then that the baby, my brother, had arrived. As if in a daze I got up from my hiding space and followed the sound up the stairs. I could no longer hear momma only the baby and Giuseppe screaming angry words I could not make sense of. Neither my father nor the servants noticed me approaching momma's bed. A year ago this would have surprised me, but by now I had gotten good at being invisible.

I saw Doctor Hanes bent over momma's bed and I came to stand by him. I looked up to see momma sleeping, but she looked paler than usual and her hair was matted and messy. I reached out to touch her hands as they lay on top on the bed sheets and I gasped at how cold they were. The Doctor finally took notice of me and shouted for a servant to come and get me at once. I tried to hold on to momma's cold hands, I tried to wake her up so she could ask them to let me stay, but momma never answered... It took me a few days to understand why she would never answer me again...

The servant took me to the same room as my brother, the selfish little being that had stolen my mother's attention from me. I approached the crib propelled by anger and frustration. As I peered over, my brother looked up at me with emerald eyes of kindness and curiosity. I was mesmerized and, although I couldn't forgive his transgressions, I knew I would love him unconditionally for the rest of my life. Days later however, when I understood fully the part he played in taking momma away from me, I nicknamed him a murderer, decades later, as if in a prophecy, he would become the deadliest murderer of them all.

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**AN: You know the drill :) R&R please. xoxo**


	2. There were three: the two of you and me

**Me, you and everyone else.**

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**Chapter 2: There were three: the two of you and me**

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**AN: Ok, here is chapter two. I will publish chapter next week. Please let me know what you think**

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As Stefan, as my brother had been baptized, and I grew up, Giuseppe's dislike for me became more and more apparent and raw. Exponentially father had no patience, no time or eyes for me. In total opposition, father's love and attachment to my brother became more and more disproportionate and indulging.

All that Stefan did, touched or said became gold in our father's eyes. Later in life, I came to realize Stefan had that same effect on almost everyone else. No matter what he did, be it bad, unkind or unforgivable... no matter what, people made excuses for him, found ways to forgive and forget. Stefan's slate was thus always clean and to the world he was always perfect, wholesome and good. I had no such luck...

Stefan had spent every single moment that he was not dazzling my father trying to win me over with a devotional perseverance to make man's best friend seem indifferent. As he shadowed me everywhere, first with his eyes when he could not walk, then with his unsteady footsteps that grew in confidence, I slowly allowed him room in my life and, unwillingly, in my heart. I desperately tried to forget the wrongs he had inadvertently caused. After all, Stefan did not choose to kill my mother, Stefan could not be blamed that my looks only reminded father of the wife he had lost, nor could he be blamed for father's indifference...

My mind, my reason, they knew all this and yet...there was an ever present darkness festering in my heart. Its vine like tendrils constricted in and around my soul, suffocating all happiness that life tried to bestow my way. All life, all living, tasted like ash on my tongue and even if I quipped, joked and smiled, it was all an charlatan's act to hide the broken being I had become. Confessions did nothing to assuage the darkness, penitence and prayers did little to dissipate my anger. Liquor brought tentative relief only to plague me with subconscious monsters out to torture me further...

My existence through my youth was a repeat of disappointing my father, missing my mother and struggle with the love and hate I felt for Stefan. As father groomed Stefan to take his place he also made it clear that I had no place in their futures. Whilst I was now practically immune to father's indifference I had not been ready for banishment from the only place I had l known happiness.

Therefore, in a final act of despair I enlisted. It was a vain attempt to go out in a blaze of glory, something to recapture the pride Giuseppe once felt for me. It was also a coward's hope that the arms of death would either wake me from my lifelong stupor or bury me for good. If only I had known the irony of wishing deaths embrace at that point.

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**AN: Remember to R&R xoxo**


	3. There were three and then there was her

**Me, you and everyone else.**

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**Chapter 3: There were three and then there was her.**

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Fate intervened in the guise of flowing skirts and feminine wiles. So it was that a month or so before I left for war, suddenly there she was - a beauty so great and lovely that it jolted my soul awake. As she walked into our house, escorted by my already enthralled brother, it was as if I could breathe anew.

Katherine the angel said her name was from under long eyelashes as she smiled at me coyly. I may have been young but I knew how to distinguish a woman's interest and how to further affection with polite conversation and light banter. The lady did not disappoint and, despite her youthful looks, intelligently counteracted all my advances. She also succeeded by words and discreet gestures at making it clear that she returned my interest.

Oh, she played the blushing virgin to perfection, fueling my fire and love with her choreographed seduction. She would encourage and discourage my advances in equal amounts, leaving me confused, hungry and desirous. I remember the first time I was allowed to kiss her lips and the exhilaration in my chest. Soon after, when Katherine finally let me conquer her fully and bed her, I felt like I had been granted life eternal. The irony of that thought etched itself on my mind when later I learned of her secret.

In my bliss I forgot to look beyond the facade of our courtship. Unbeknownst to me, my brother, the taker of all things, had also fallen prey to Katherine's charms and had also been granted bedroom and heart favors She confessed as much the night she told me of her true nature.

The wench had the gull to smirk as she enlightened me about my blindness. The knowledge that the maiden was no maiden but a living dead centuries old woman surprised me... However, knowing that she also wanted and had Stefan, broke me into shards... Once more I was not enough, and I briefly wondered if my brother was aware that we were sharing the same woman.

Since I accepted her true nature without any hysterics Katherine did not compel me to forget her secret duality both in bed and in life. Because I now knew her true nature - monster, seducer, lover, and whore - that night instead of loving her I fucked her with all the anger and the bitterness of my betrayal. Katherine reveled in my roughness and her laughter of delight bounced of the wall in mockery. I was spent physically and emotionally as I came inside of her core hating her, hating myself for wanting her, for loving her, hating the world for what I had become. She should have needed only me, not Stefan, only me...

This madness continued for a while until I was called to war. I left with a heavy heart for, despite her many shortcomings, I loved Katherine more than anything in this world. Where I once had longed for the quietness of death, now I wish for nothing more than to be undead by my lover's side.

I arrived at the battlefront to see a sordid landscape of lost hopes, empty bravado and decaying bodies. The darkness in me, the darkness that had receded under Katherine's sun, tried to crawl out of its depths to join in the misery and despair of the battlefield. I felt it claw at my soul extinguishing all my dreams and possibilities.

With a strangled cry, defeated in my duty to my country, I ran like the little boy I once was to follow the skirts of the second great love of my life. I would be forever branded a coward in man's war, but never a coward in the fight for love.

Katherine's name, Katherine's beauty, like a siren call bid me home and away from the kiss of death I had once longed for. I was a fool in love and my loved doomed me to a fate worse than the one waiting me on the battlefield.

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**AN: Hope you guys liked it :) Remember to R&R please!**


	4. She is the prize and we are the fools

**Me, you and everyone else.**

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**Chapter 4: There were three, she is the prize and we are the fools**

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I arrived early in the quietest of mornings, unannounced and homesick. A fools hope beat in my heart that Katherine would have missed me and that father and Stefan would welcome my return with open arms.

Seating in my family's garden, surrounded by topiary and gentile luxuries it was almost easy to pretend that the ugliness of war didn't exist. In the center of this civilized sanctuary, so far removed from the battlefront, I mourned the innocence of my youth. The innocence that had glorified the act of going to battle, that dreamt of dying in a glorious act thinking it was nothing more than a pantomime.

When Katherine's laughter floated through the summer air, my heart took off at galloping speed, only to be crushed against an invisible wall when Stefan's laughter followed suit. I wearily watched their progress through the courtyard, their carefree stance, their flirty exchanges, my brother's smitten face, Katherine's seducing whiles. It was clear that they had grown closer during my absence and the knowledge left a vile taste in my mouth. Katherine ran and Stefan chased obligingly as I watched crestfallen and bitter...hopes dashed in an instant. I should have turned away, I should have marched straight back to war and let it claim me... I didn't. Call it weakness, call it love, call it whatever you like... The fact was that I couldn't walk away so I stayed.

I interrupted their idle frolicking and I made myself known with a happy demeanor that hid the pain that turned my insides into cinder. Stefan's genuine smile spoke of his love for me and of his ignorance of the ménage à trois he was sordidly embroiled in. Katherine's knowing gaze matched my smirk, possessed as she was of all our destinies and, when all pleasantries were done with, she as good as staked me in the heart.

"How am I going to choose?" the seductress pouted prettily as she turned away from us, the two brothers who had foolishly offered to escort her to the first ever Founders Ball. Katherine clearly enjoyed putting us at odds with each other, reading correctly the sibling rivalry I carried with me but that Stefan had never noticed. In the end, for her escort, Katherine, predictably, chose Stefan. Like everyone else in my life, whenever it came down to choosing, everyone chose him, the undamaged debonair brother.

So it was that I had to watch my brother proudly take Katherine by the hand and show her as his to the whole town. Each gesture, each dance, each look and touch was like a hot iron though my gut and I felt as if I was being eviscerated alive. I stood impassive watching them and keeping appearances, but on the inside I was a raging inferno.

At the same time, my father took every opportunity to show his displeasure at his "deserter" had nearly come to blows earlier and harsh words had been exchanged. I had only been allowed to stay living at the mansion because Stefan pleaded on my behalf. Nonetheless, father wanted nothing to do with me and regarded me with contempt.

As the night drew to a close full of weariness and longing I retired from the party and waited for Katherine in her quarters. Stefan might have her publicly but I would show her who she really needed, who she really craved, who she belonged to. Alas, I had to endure two more twists of the knife that night. The first was a heartfelt love confession I overheard my brother lay like golden lilies at Katherine's feet. The second was to witness how the confession affected her, followed by her disappointment at finding me in the room and punctuated by her prompt dismissal of my presence by the lady in question.

My soul was bruised and battered as the days unfolded in front of me. The weeks following the Founder's Ball went by like a nightmare, both achingly slow and dizzyingly fast. One moment all was well, even if I had to share Katherine with my brother, then the next she was revealed for the monster that she was. Vampire hunting season was open and Stefan in his naivete had unknowingly alerted Giuseppe. I fell into despair and tried to save her but my father stopped me. I battled with Giuseppe as he pinned me against the door as they carried an unconscious Katherine out of my house and into the prison wagon. His harsh words did nothing to quell my determination to save Katherine.

Under the blanket of the night, I allied with Stefan and I tried to rescue our shared lover from her fate, effectively sealing ours. As the gunshot echoed in the night and the pain seared in my chest I grieved for the two women I had loved as darkness engulfed me.

As if coming back from the deepest of slumbers, I woke up startled to see the face of the moon disappear as it gave way to the morning sun. My brother lay unconscious by my side, his shirt, like mine was bloody and showed damage from gunshots, but there were no wounds to be seen when I inspected him.

Katherine's hand maiden Emily was the next thing I saw. She trusted a set of clean laundered clothes in my hand and I automatically went to the river to wash myself. Once i was presentable, Emily explained that Stefan and I had died and that we had to choose between becoming a vampire or die for good.

I hung my head low as realization hit me… for I was betrayed even in death... Katherine should have turned only me; she should have chosen only me, not him. Emily then told me about how the townsman had burned the prisoners together with Fell's Church and that knowledge sealed my resolve. If Katherine was dead then there was no reason to stay alive. There was no reason to go on...

My forever martyr of a brother agreed with me but not before deciding to pay Giuseppe a last visit before meeting his death. Ever the good son, Stefan wanted to make amends but was met with horror and fear. There was an altercation and father called Stefan for the abomination he was, then father confessed to having killed us and suddenly blood was everywhere and Stefan drank, he drank greedily, sealing his fate and unfortunately mine.

Stefan returned to the quarry, bringing with him a victim he snatched on his way. My brother, acting somewhat manically, forced me to feed and complete my transition. Once the decision was made, Emily told me that Katherine was not dead but trapped in the tomb under the church. There and there I vouched two things: to free Katherine and to trap Stefan's life in a reign of misery for all eternity. I told my brother as much that morning as we parted with bitter words and heavy hearts.

For a century and a half, misery I brought, misery I inflicted, but nothing compared to the misery I witnessed as my brother indulged in a string of indescribably inhuman murders. Cold, deranged murder at the hands of a spoiled sensitive youth turned vampire going through his terrible twos and murdering everyone with a heartbeat. The Ripper was born, a dark version of my brother that cared not for the pain he inflicted but rather rejoiced in it as he tore his victims apart limb by limb only to be crippled by remorse once the deed was done. He had become the murderer I had always believed him to be, my brother was all but dead to me, and so it was easier to hate him ...and to leave him behind.

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**AN: R&R please :)**


	5. You, me but no longer a we

**Me, you and everyone else.**

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**Chapter 5: There was you and me but no longer a we  
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I roamed the world alone, seeking for what exactly I do not know... I watched it evolve, falter and stumble between great wonders and achievements, between great sorrows and defeats. Decades passed as I lived a life of hedonism, loosing myself in my feeds and many beds. Seeking the oblivion and the affection that would always remain one step out of my reach, I passed the years.

The great wide world proved not to be such a big place after all and I could not prevent my path crossing with Stefan's over the years and decades. Rarely did my brother surprise me with his unwelcome presence, but when he did, my skin would prickle as his troubled gaze alighted on me . More often I was the one one to find him, to spot him in the crowd or in the bloody trail of the latest "unexplained" epidemic. Sometimes I made myself known, other times I morbidly observed, often times I simply left. My brother was to me a lost soul, one that could never be saved...and yet, something inside of me wanted to fix him, but not enough that it could ignore my hate for him. As we met here and there, in polite company, in dark alleyways, between botched attempts at making amends and me trying to torture him for the un-life he forced on me, we let resentment build on top of regret, on top of resentment, on top of regret... Feeding bile into our broken relationship and allowing the gulf between us to grow wider every time. I was certain we were beyond repair, that our bond was forever lost, so I roamed the world alone until I could rescue my love, my Katherine.

When the time to free Katherine finally approached, I made my pilgrimage back to Mystic Falls were it all begun, were I would start anew again... I had gathered a veritable arsenal of information over the years and I was armed with the knowledge and the tools to free her. I also proudly wore the blind certainty that when I rescued her, Katherine would know who truly loved her and would bestow her love to me and no one else in return. Love sick delusional fool that I had become...

I passed the time waiting for the comet to come, for the starts to align you could say, and align they did but not as I had imagined. There I was, up to my old tricks to get a quick human snack when a voice met my ears and stirred something deep inside of me. My heart somersaulted in my chest... it was Katherine's voice that I heard making the night air sweeter and full of longing. Dazed, I followed the siren's song to its source and there she was, freed and beautiful under the cover of darkness. She was so absorbed in her conversation over the phone that it was a while before she noticed me. She halted her pacing when I called out her name, looking up with a confused expression and wide eyes.

My heart lurched as I watched her scan her surroundings wearily before correcting me, telling me that her name was Elena and _not_ Katherine. Words failed for a moment as I marveled at the absurdity of the existence of the girl in front of me. In my shock and awed state of this human carbon copy of my maker, I approached and made small talk to ease the evident nervousness emanating from her. She was not Katherine and yet... No, there was too much life in her eyes, too much innocence and youth..., too much hope and light for it to be Katherine. I played with her name on my lips, tasted it and liked how it felt.

As Elena spoke nonsense about her current boyfriend, jealousy stirred inside of me. However, an overwhelming need to comfort made me speak heartfelt words that betrayed my palpable enthrallment for the girl in front of me. Our reverie was interrupted as the cavalry approached and I was reminded of my reasons to be here. For the sake of anonymity I compelled her to forget me and our encounter, hiding in the shadows as her parents took her away. If only I had known what was to follow next… If only I could have guessed at what letting her leave that night would mean to me and to her...

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**AN: R&R? Pretty please with sugar on it?**


	6. You with her and then me

**Me, you and everyone else.**

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**Chapter 6: Then there were three again: you with her and then me.**

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I returned months later to complete my Katherine rescue mission only to find a shadow of the Elena I had met last time I was in town. Regretfully, moments after i first laid eyes on her , Elena had gotten into a car accident that plunged her into the cold waters of the river running under Wickery Bridge.

The beautiful girl had miraculously survived, or so the local gossip went, but had lost both her parents in the incident. Elena's eyes now had that hollow quality of a broken soul. I remained intrigued by her resemblance to Katherine, and I sympathized with her evident sorrow as I watched her writing on her journal in the cemetery. Nonetheless, I decided not to make my presence known to her. Rescuing Katherine was my priority and nothing would get in the way, not even her carbon copy. So I watched from afar, a silent shadow of the corner of her eye.

Things became a little more "personal" when I found the beautiful Elena gravitating towards my brother's arms. His interest in a woman that held the face of his former lover and maker amused me. Stefan's actions reeked of unresolved issues and denial. True to my promise, I took pains to bring misery to his life and disturb the "human existence" he had started to craft for himself. I made my presence known and Stefan reacted in his predictable "leave me alone"way. In his insecurity, or maybe because it is who he thinks we are, Stefan took the role of the good brother and made sure to convince Elena of how bad, soulless and dangerous I was. My cocky behavior did nothing to contradict his stories and Elena listened to his preaching word by word like if it was the gospel of truth. For reasons unknown to me, I felt an urge to prove Stefan wrong. So I took pains to convince Elena, the angel that wore the face of the devil that turned me, that _I_ was the good brother and that she could trust me.

Well, Elena's body was the first to trust me and betray her. If only her mind had been so easy to convince... The attraction between us was palpable from the moment we laid eyes on each other. It stroked my ego that even if she had been compelled to forget me, her body still loved me alright. It betrays her to this day, every single time I am around. It drives Stefan crazy and I enjoy pushing his and her buttons and getting a reaction in reward.

Her mind however, is not as easily seduced... and in her righteousness Elena was set from the start on denying what her body knows and also what her eyes witness. So, whether to annoy my brooding brother or simply because she is good fun, I ended up striking a peculiar friendship with the girl that looks like Katherine. Stefan was forced into tolerating our friendship because Elena wanted it, but he fears she will fall for me in the end. As for me, all I can do is watch as she carries on her dogged pledge of undying love to Stefan as I slowly but surely let her carve a space in my heart. To be honest, it was all going very well and appeared under control. Elena was a fun distraction until the opening of that blasted tomb and I enjoyed making Stefan uncomfortable . Until that night that we opened the tomb, I had been mildly fascinated by Elena's unerring ability for kindness, compassion and empathy but I had no conscious wish for anything more.

Alas, when I opened the damned tomb and learned of Katherine's betrayal, with a simple gesture Elena kept me together. As I was downing in pain, deceit and rejection, Elena's arms wrapped tightly around me. This supportive gesture broke through the haze of pain and made me realize that I had feelings for her. That knowledge kept me from falling apart, from giving up. Ironically, the knowledge that saved me that night was my condemnation every single day after that. It ate away at my soul like some corrosive vile liquid dripping constantly without refrain.

Since my epiphany I upped my teasing game but had to suffer Elena's dogged determination to stick by her epic love at the expense of ignoring her feelings for me. Nothing seemed to shake her devotion to my brother. She even remains steady after he lies and plots, even when he leaves, when he denies her and turns her away. She remained unwavering even when he betrays her again, even when he terrorizes and hurts her, or leaves a trail of bodies in his wake.

Lucky me, I pick up the pieces of this broken girl, play knight in shining armor, rescuer and best friend ... All to nought, for she refuses to give into her feelings for me and nothing changes. Elena always chooses him, despite the fact that she and Stefan have lost all of their chemistry and romance, and despite the lies. No matter what my brother does, no matter what I do, she still sees him as the good guy, whilst I am invisible.

For a really long time, as far as Elena was concerned and as far as she believed, Stefan was as safe as the stuffed animals on her bed. She would argue that all he needed was help and a couple of sections of Vampire Anonymous. i disagreed but, because it was her asking, I helped.

The idea of a vampire detox was beyond ludicrous! It was absurdity at its best... Then again, so it is for me to fall in love with a teenage girl that looks exactly like the vampire that bewitched me a lifetime ago. I swear to you, if I could have run from this I would have... Regretfully, my heart steadily, piece by piece, came to alight in her fragile hands and it no longer belongs to me. It doesn't belong to her either for Elena will not accept my heart and my love from me...

I wish I could escape this mental prison, escape the hold of her brown eyes and her whims. Her lips say "no", her eyes say "yes, come a little closer". She drives me to the edge of dementia and i wish with all my heart that I could find solace in my vampiric nature or in the bodies of my lovers. But Elena's shadow looms close and removes all joy from anything that isn't her. So we circle each other, pushing buttons and testing boundaries, pretending not to feel what we feel. Stefan joins in the charade and also pretends he doesn't see, that he doesn't feel her pulling away from him in small increments.

More events outside our control distract us from this love triangle. Elena is a veritable trouble magnet. Matters are made even more convoluted, leading me to embrace months of animosity, of tentative alliances with Stefan and other unlikely allies to keep Elena alive as I behave myself to suit her expectations. Months of stolen kisses, of denial from her and him and me, life treats, witches, werewolves and ancient curses... Months of me following her around like the wimp that I have become...

It was all to no end for I couldn't save her from herself. She tried to kamikaze herself so many times that it was inevitable that she would succeed. On the very night my brother's and my life hung in the balance ,she chose him, again. Only to meet her death on her way to meet him in the watery grave that seemed determine to take her last breath.

Oh the wicked irony... to have been saved by my brother just after she and I met, only to die in the same place, in another car, same girl, same vampire... Of all the cruel jokes... My idiotic brother let Elena decide her fate and just like that she mundanely drowned - pathetic…

At hearing the news of her demise I reacquainted myself with the 7 year old child buried in me. The one that was made to understand that his mother would never ever smile, call his name or look at him again.

The pain of her loss engulfed me as I made my way to the death bed of the third woman I have ever loved... Wicked destiny had other plans however, and, unknown to me, my blood was in her system when she died. I reached the morgue to watch my brooding brother mourning at her side – in that instant I wish I had killed the son of a bitch before it came to this. Thanks to brother dearest yet another woman was being snatched from my life because there was absolutely no way that Elena would complete the transition. Not in a million years…

The girl ran true to nature and with the help of my brother almost succeeded to do away with herself permanently. Thank God for self preservation because when push came to shove she chose to live… her decision allowed me to breathe and then to claim my rightful exile. Or so I thought. For a moment there I really believed that I was home free, but no, the little vixen and my brother asked me to stay and help. Obediently I did as asked and helped diligently Only to have him angry at me for feeding her my blood and teaching her how to feed properly. Doomed if you do, doomed if you don't, that's my brother's motto when it comes to me.

It seems that when it comes to her, Stefan only wants the Elena that was: human, sans blood, blindingly in love with him in all her glorious naivety. Never mind the ordeals of the past year and a half, according to him she shouldn't change, she needs to be fixed back to her old self so she can be fitting to be loved by _him_. I told Stefan, in no uncertain terms that my love for her was unconditional and that I would take her however or whoever like she was – that is how it is when you truly love someone.

The boy wonder has other plans. Stefan want's to find an ancient cure and make her human again. In his desperation Stefan never saw how his actions, his refusal of her new nature were alienating Elena... Not until it was too late.

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**AN: Phew! This was a long one! I didn't have time to review it for the third time to catch all typos, etc. Hopefully there are none. R&R please! xoxo**


	7. There are three at a stand still

**AN: Ok, last chapter folks. I had intended to wrap this story up before S4E10 but since I didn't I had to include the snafu from that episode in Damon's reflection. Not sure i want to see the next episode...If Elena turns on Damon again i think I am simply going to have to scream. R&R and let me know how you liked this chapter. xoxo**

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**~ There are three at a stand still. If she does not belong to me now, then she never will... ~**

Stefan continues doggedly pursuing his "save Elena" plan like the Hound of the Baskervilles he thinks that he is. Foolish boy! Never paying any heed to the fact that he was alienating the girl he wants to save by making her feel like a broken toy. He looks at her an broods and laments and sighs. Whilst I relish in Elena's new nature, Stefan abhors it. Where I rejoice in the fact that she is still here with us alive and well, Stefan mourns the girl that she was. o my brother runs errands for Klaus, betray's Rebecca, we unite behind Klaus's back, the plan backfires as it usually does and nothing is like Stefan wants it to be. Not even Elena... So, surprise, surprise, when vampire Elena became a truth he cannot escape. When she became all too much for Stefan to handle and her slipping away from him impossible to deny, then he gallantly breaks up with her. What an idiot… My brother the martyr, the prophet of gloom and doom, sealing his own fate and then blaming everyone else but his own actions.

True to form and in perfect line with his character, Stefan has the gull to come to me, as if it is all my fault and makes a snarky remark saying that I'm in paradise because Elena is available...

_Really Stefan?!_

Maybe the fucker is right, maybe I am rejoicing that they have finally broke up. How could I not? I love her and I want her anyway I can have her.

So yeah, maybe this is some form of sick Paradise where the girl is free but not mine and my brother is back to looking at me like again I am the source of all problems...

_Hey, that's fine..._ Hate me. I am good at being hated.

_But, I got news for you baby bro. _

_I'm not the one that let her drown in the first place. _

_I'm not the one that cannot look at her because she is now a monster just like us._

_Fuck, I'm not the one trying to fix someone that doesn't want to be fixed!_

Gallant and martyred white knuckled white knight Stefan... _Does he even realize how stupid this is?_

If Elena gets fixed then she is back to being the universal hybrid blood donor. Is this really a better alternative to being a vampire? _Really?_ But of course, that is not the plan is it Stef? No, the boy wonder will obviously think of a way to save a then human Elena fromKlaus' clutches. Yeah, *chuckle*, because that plan has worked wonders before...

Of course Klaus will not stop until he turns Elena back into a blood bag, and because of that I will go along with this stupid plan. Better to be in the action than out of it, right? Better to be my brother's wing man than be in direct confrontation with him... Oh so I'd hoped.

Fair enough, I am not without sins and blunders myself. Like for example, I could have respectfully waited for the corpse of their love to grow cold. In my defense I had been hovering over their love's death bed for months. I endured countless hours of surround sound sex, sickly sweet "I.O.U." demonstrations, "it will always be Stefan" slapped at my face more times that i can count, brother rescuing, kisses and looks that meant nothing... that meant everything. All in a resigned effort of being worthy, of biding my time, waiting for the day Elena love would belong to me. So fucking sue me if I pounced on the first real opportunity to make her mine. I am a vampire for fuck's sake. I am a man too. Just because I am also a brother and I am in love, no one should belittle my desires. They should not ignore how much self restraint it has taken to wait this long to take her. Can't they see how much I have held myself back so I could avoid hurting anyone? Hurting Stefan? But no, as always, I am doomed to be labelled the scurvy of my kind.

So excuse me, if it was not long after they officially broke up that I was – finally- kissing and dragging a willing and panting Elena to my bed. I am tired apologizing... An I will not apologize for being with her when I could have died in that moment, in the perfection of that interlude, in the willingness of her body, in the righteousness of us together. It was better than I had imagined, it was all that I longed for. So sue me for wanting it, for giving in, for not putting the well being of my brother, of our relationship and of everyone in fucking Mystic Falls ahead of my heart, my desire and my dick! In that moment is was only the two of us and _she loved me, _and I her. So I am not sorry brother... I will never be sorry...

I was happily surprised when I woke up to new day wrapped around Elena's body. Surprised that she stayed, that it wasn't a dream and that things were going my way for once. Of course I know that life doesn't usually work in poetical epic ways for me and unicorns and sunrises always transform into demons and tempests. So, back on the correct axis, the universe had to shove in my face the preposterous idea of Elena being sired to me. Because the universe is a sick bastard, the revelation was presented to me by a contrite brother, still ignorant of the fact that I have bedded her. Oh, and wouldn't you know? Of course he was right, the girl in question is sired to me which now has everyone, including yours truly, thinking that her love is nothing more than an illusion. She denies it and pledges undying love, Stefan pleads for me to free her, so I do the right thing and send her away… The heart break in her face is almost my undoing.

So yeah...that's my fucked up life where I can look at the menu but I can't eat, dip my foot in the pool but cannot swim, love her with all my heart but not accept hers in return. No respite for the wicked...

To do right by her, to do right by my holier than thou brother, I accept to watch over Baby Gilbert. It's a self imposed banishment from the girl I love and a weak attempt to buy peace with the brother that is always a step away from hating me. Stefan hating me is no news, it has been about the two of us for a long time, but I can't loose Elena because Stefan hates me... I simply can't, so I play nice.

I take my punishment because I know that Stefan will despise me once he learns I have slept with his _ex_ even if I didn't know at the time that she was sired to me. Even if it tears me inside to know that she was... I am trying to earn brownie points like the whipped vampire that I have become. Trying to prove to Stefan my intentions are noble, trying to get Jeremy to walk the high road for Elena's sake, trying to keep Klaus under control so he doesn't force Jeremy to kill indiscriminately... I wish for once people would try to spare me the pain instead of the other way around...

My heart is breaking because the girl I love doesn't know if her feelings are real or not. My heart is aching because my feelings are real and Elena insists in rubbing them raw by tempting me at every corner. I practically survive the hours by listening to her voice messages that plead for me to believe her - and I want to -, that beg me to let her come to me. My brother behaves and doens't fight with me for a while because I have been good and let her go. All her friends think that I am some sick fuck playing with Elena as if she was my own personal Barbie. Her brother is on a mission to kill all vampires so that he can find a map to a cure for his sister and I'm his baby sitter and overseer. All is well in the world... right?

Then universe implodes again. Klaus comes for a visit and I no longer have a choice, the whole gentle approach to growing the mark is out of the window. Then Elena calls me... something has gone terribly wrong today, I can hear in her voice.. She doen't relate what happens, only that he knows, that Stefan knows that I slept with her... So I am fairly certain that I back to him hating my guts... I have one second to feel regret because Elena's next words obfuscate everything. Nothing else matters because Elena says the one thing that makes it better, the one thing that makes it worth it: She loves me... She fucking loves me and my heart swells with hope... I lift the sire ban on all things Damon and tell her to come to me now, _urgently_.

So I am as dammed by my love and by my loyalty as I can be... So yeah, fuck me, there are some really shitty times coming ahead... Maybe Stefan and I can find a way to each other again. And I'll have to make Elena believe what _she should know by now_. That all I do these days is for her sake. When she gets here and learns that Jeremy slaughtered an entire bar...*sigh*... maybe she will remember to love me more than she will want to hate me...

It's a vain hope because remember, life doesn't usually work in poetical epic ways for me... So I can see the raging storm approaching, the fact that she loves me is the silver lining in the dark sky... Will it be enough that she loves me? Or is this leading to another disappointment that will hollow out my chest?

_"Come on skinny love just last the year_  
_Pour a little salt, we were never here..._

_My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my  
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer_

I tell my love to wreck it all  
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall  
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my  
Right in this moment this order's tall"

I'll raise a glass to that and mourn once more the fact that Ric is not here to share in my triumphs and miseries as I wait for Elena to come and join me. Maybe our love will last the years...

**~ THE END ~**

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**AN: let me know how you like it. I am always curious to hear you POV's, it seems to encourage me to write more. xoxo**


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